sometimes... just sometimes

you don't own me

you don't control me

you tried

you failed miserably

i hope that you are required to pay for your transgressions one day

one day very soon

you are a terrible person

you have caused me so much grief

and yet i miss you sometimes

this makes absolutely no sense to me

it happens though

Bright Eyes Land Locked Blues

it's a nice life

so...
i finally have a job! yes. finally. after nearly five months of not working. it has been an absolutely miserable five months. things are definitely starting to look up and i'm excited about the future. there is very little that could probably bring me down right now.
life is pretty great.

school starts back monday. it's going to be tough to juggle both school and work, but i know that i can do it. i am so proud of myself. i have overcome some major hurdles in the last year.

i'm rambling. i will leave on a happy/content note with a positive message. so here goes....

dive for dreams

e.e. cummings

dive for dreams
 
or a slogan may topple you
 
trees are their roots
 
and wind is wind
  
trust your heart
 
if the seas catch fire
 
and live by love
 
though the stars walk backward
  
honour the past
 
but welcome the future
 
and dance your death
 
away at the wedding
  
never mind a world
 
with its villains or heroes
 
for good likes girls
 
and tomorrow and the earth
  
in spite of everything
 
which breathes and moves, since Doom
 
with white longest hands
 
neating each crease
 
will smooth entirely our minds
  
before leaving my room
 
i turn, and stooping
 
through the morning kiss
 
this pillow, dear
 
where our heads lived and were.
  

 silently if, out of not knowable  

 
silently if, out of not knowable
  
night's utmost nothing,wanders a little guess
  
only which is this world)more my life does
 
not leap than with the mystery your smile
 
sings or if spiraling as luminous
  
they climb oblivion voices who are dreams,
  
less into heaven certainly earth swims
  
than each my deeper death becomes your kiss
 
losing through you what seemed myself, i find
  
selves unimaginably mine; beyond
  
sorrow's own joys and hoping's very fears
  
yours is the light by which my spirit's born:
  
yours is the darkness of my soul's return
  
you are my sun,my moon,and all my stars
 

a little inspiration

to new beginnings...

it is official. i have neglected my blog from the very start. so on this second day of the new year, i will put forth my best effort to discontinue the neglect. this new year has brought many mixed emotions. the holiday season was difficult. it was our first holiday season without my brother. i know that no one is reading this, but if you are, my brother passed away in june from diabetes. it's been difficult for the family, especially my parents. however, i will not dwell too much on it in this blog. he is loved and missed.

on a more positive note, school starts back in approximately eight days. i am beyond excited. for the first time in my life, i have a 4.0 grade point average and i could not be more proud of myself.

i have decided not to make any sort of new year's resolutions, because i mean come on... who really keeps them? come february, everyone will be back into their routines and new year's resolutions will be but a vague memory. i do, however, intend to get back on track with p90x. i am unhappy with my physical appearance and i want to change it. i am not uncomfortable and i do not think of myself as obese or fat. i do not think i am ugly. i do not think any of these negative things. i am just unhappy with my current level of unhealthy living. i plan to change that soon. fingers crossed.

i am not dating, and i really can't say that i am interested in dating. my efforts to meet anyone have really been lackluster. i've met some really nice guys, but for some reason i just can't seem to focus and give my all. i don't know what's wrong with me really. maybe i'm still too bruised from the events of 2009. i've still got some healing to do. i think i have really pushed a lot of the emotion to the back of my mind and not dealt with it.

on that note, i am going to close for now.

happy new year.

ho-hum

so, i've decided that i'm going to start a blog. forgive me for the lower-case letters, but this is how i prefer to write, so suck it. today is a bit of a humdrum day. i'm doing laundry, cleaning and waiting on the boy to get back from georgia so that we can hang out. he's been gone for 5 days, and it's killing me. i really can't wait to see him. i've missed him so. i haven't done the blog thing in quite a while, so i'm not really sure what to write on here. i'm sure i will get better, but for now i will close. have a lovely sunday!